Be Angry...part 2

“He who angers you conquers you.”                            Elizabeth Kenny

“When we hate our enemies, we are giving them power over us: power over our sleep, our appetites, our blood pressure, our health, and our happiness. Our enemies would dance with joy if only they knew how they were worrying us, lacerating us, and getting even with us! Our hate is not hurting them at all, but our hate is turning our own days and nights into a hellish turmoil.”     Dale Carnegie

As you can see I want to continue with the topic of anger. I do so because it’s such an obvious problem in our communities today, and because it has been such a huge obstacle in my life as well.

Do you allow yourself to be angered by other people’s actions or words? Do you ever find yourself saying; “He made me mad!” or “She got me angry!” to explain away an emotional blow-up of words or actions?

One thing that I have learned is; other people do not have control over your thoughts, your emotions or your actions unless you give it to them.

If you remember some of my previous posts I made reference to my past gang involvement and the violence associated with it. In that type of lifestyle anger was a necessary evil, necessary for survival. You never wanted to be caught with your guard down, or unprepared to defend yourself. You always had identifiable enemies that were just a drive-by away, that possibility was there anyway. This kept me on my toes and ready to strike at a moments notice. It also forced me to keep the anger and hatred close at hand, always at the tip of my emotions ready to explode. Many times it was expressed to the wrong people in the wrong situation for the wrong reasons. When you live like I was living anger becomes your primary emotional outlet.

It is much the same for people coming out of an abusive background or a consistently hostile work environment or children being constantly bullied. When we don’t learn to deal with this emotion properly it becomes a very destructive element in a persons life.

So where does anger come from and how are we supposed to deal with it? Is it normal? Is it always a bad thing? Can we use it to benefit us in any way? Why did God give us this capability?

Everybody must deal with anger from time to time, some of us more than others depending on our job, family, where we live and the lifestyle we are living. But how often we deal with it has much to do with our own perceptions. How we view the world and our part in it determines most often whether we become offended and get angered by a perceived slight or injustice.

Now, I’ll be the first to say, yes, there are many real abuses, offenses and injustices in the world, but most often the things we get worked up about are not genuine threats or slights, but perceived. We think more highly of ourselves than we ought to. Have you ever thought or said, “How dare you talk to me that way! Don’t you know who I am?” or things with a similar attitude. We are called to be humble but our pride often gets in the way.

“God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

So the first thing is to identify or differentiate between the real and the perceived. In doing so, we can probably eliminate at least fifty percent of the things that would usually cause us to become angry. Often times we take ourselves so serious that everything seems offensive to us.

What is anger? It is an emotion expressed by feelings of displeasure, indignation, hostility, wrath and vengeance. Anger begins with a feeling that’s often expressed in words or actions. We feel something and it causes a reaction.

Joyce Meyer says in “Dealing with Anger…God’s Way” that anger is the “fruit of rotten roots” and one of the primary roots of anger is family. Angry people come from angry families (this was absolutely true in my case), and the same behavior will eventually be passed on to our children if we don’t get a handle on it in our own lives.

She goes on to list other “roots of anger”

Injustice: When we are mistreated we become angry because we feel it isn’t fair.

Strife: Which is usually hidden, is often exhibited in arguing, bickering, heated disagreements and angry undercurrents.

Impatience: When we can’t get what we want when we want it.

Abuse of any kind: Sexual, physical, verbal, emotional or mental abuse almost always leads to anger.

Unmet needs: What I call “unfulfilled expectations”, we all have needs that can and should be met by those closest to us; however, they don’t know and understand our needs unless we communicate our needs and desires with them.

Jealousy: Anger is one of the more extreme results of jealousy. It reminds us of how dangerous jealousy can be. The local newspapers in recent weeks have had multiple stories of domestic violence to the extreme – murder/suicides and the likes – and the root of this evil was jealousy.

Other root causes of anger include fear, insecurity, and feelings of being controlled by a job or other people and their problems.

“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.” 1 Peter 5:8,9

When we begin to feel angry it’s the perfect time to exercise the fruit of self-control. You may have a good reason to be angry, but don’t use it as an excuse to stay that way. Instead of denying or justifying it, ask God to help you deal with it in a positive way.

Romans 12:21 gives us some good advice, it says “Do not let yourself be overcome with
evil, but overcome evil with good.” When Satan attacks you, instead of getting mad, go bless someone. Responding in a positive way is the direct opposite of what the enemy wants you to do. It doesn’t come naturally, and it’s not always easy, but when we do what we can do, God will do what we can’t do.

“Do not be quick in your spirit to be angry, for anger rests in the bosom of fools.”

Ecclesiastes 7:9

Is all anger sin? No, but some of it is. Even God Himself had righteous anger against sin, injustice and rebellion. Anger sometimes serves a useful purpose, so it isn’t necessarily always sin. Obviously, we’re going to sometimes lose it or not handle a situation correctly or else God wouldn’t have needed to provide the fruit of self-control. Just being tempted to do something is not sin. It’s when we don’t resist the temptation, and react to it, that it becomes sin.

While anger is often a destructive force, it can also enable a person to set limits and say no to unreasonable demands and take steps to meet important needs that have been ignored.

God sometimes allows us to feel anger so we will recognize when we’re being mistreated. But even when we experience true injustices in our lives, we must not vent our anger in an improper way. We must guard against allowing anger to drag us into sin.

“Be angry and do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.”

Ephesians 4:26,27

Refuse to give the devil any opportunity to get a foothold in your life through anger.

All anger, regardless of its cause, has the same effect on our lives. It upsets us, causing us to feel pressure. Keeping anger locked inside and pretending it doesn’t exist can even be dangerous to our health. Most of the time we’re only hurting ourselves, and the person who angered us isn’t even aware of it. So we must take responsibility for our anger and learn to deal with it. Process it and bring closure to it, and that will relieve the pressure. When you face your anger and decide to deal with it God’s way, you can overcome it. The Holy Spirit gives us the power to be stable and walk in the fruit of the Spirit. We have the power to forgive those who do injustices in our lives and to love the unlovely.

So it really comes down to this; it’s how you respond, what you say and what you do in response to those feelings of anger that’s what really matters, that’s what’s at issue here.  So walk in the Spirit, be at peace with all man and allow God the bring you the victory!

God Bless and Press On
Larry